Mae Sap, Thailand - Polarsteps

I really am a morning person, and the combination of a good night rest, rays of sunshine warming my body on the chilly morning and the sounds of nature made me feel reenergized. "Okay maybe yesterday was a really bad head start, I am sure everything will be better from now on :)" I was thinking. I started collecting strawberries for breakfast and when it was served, we all sat in the meditation room, facing the fields of the farm. Our plates standing in front of us, Penang giving us a speech on how you should eat your breakfast and what you should do afterwards. I've been struggling with food and health for a long time already, and this made me think about it even more. Suddenly, all my positive energy for the day was draining with every bite I took. To clear my mind, I decided to read a little while stretching (as we had 1.5 hours to meditate before work started). I was sent off with Ming, a Chinese volunteer, to help decorating the restaurant. I had to sort leaves and get new ones from atop the hill if I ran out of them. It was a nice, peaceful occupation. After lunch, you normally have 3.5 hours to rest, let your food set, meditate and avoid the eat. However, we were working at a nice pace and since we were inside already (and thus the heat did not bother us that much) we decided to work through the break. When we got back at the farm, I asked Penang if there was anything else I could do for him, since I was trying to show him I am a hard worker. He told me I could go weeding and so I did. When I had cut myself and became tired, I decided to make myself some tea and stop. Once I got in the kitchen, Penang got mad and me and told me to continue till dinnertime. It was really frustrating for me that he didn't appreciate ANYTHING of the hard work I did or anything I had said, while others were either sleeping or meditating. After dinner (some disgusting meal Penang made for us), I talked to Laura, one of the other volunteers and I realized being at the mindful farm was only pulling me down in a spiral of negative energy. I decided to leave in the early morning with her and to spend my last days before going to Cambodia in Chiang Mai.